When I first told my manager I was pregnant, one of the things I told him I was the most worried about in terms of “announcing” it to the public was that everyone would finally know just how basic I really am. His response was, “You talk constantly about how much you love the mall; I think everyone already knows.” This is not to suggest that anyone who chooses to become a mom or a parent is lacking in originality; I think I just always had this idea in my head that becoming a mom meant I’d be giving up any of my edge. The edgiest thing about me at this point in life is my tattoos, and that is not even because I am on the winding road to becoming a mom. It is simply because I’ve already lived the freaky, rocker, party girl lifestyle. I did the blackout drunk thing. I did the middle fingers in the air, suck my proverbial dick thing. The black-out drunk thing is way, way, way behind me; the other thing is maybe slightly, a little bit, still there. I am after all, half Italian (Sicilian to be exact), and a scorpio, so I do indeed have a bit of a sting if you really piss me off. I’m also a girl who grew up in the suburbs of Glendale, California, who played sports until high school, and who would rather eat dinner at Cheesecake Factory than some bougie new hip LA restaurant. I got engaged at an outdoor mall, I love shopping at Target, I frequent my local Starbucks drive-thru so much they know me by name … I’m really … quite … basic.
© 2025 Bethany Cosentino
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