August slipped away...
musings on summer '24 and entering the home stretch of pregnancy.
Greetings friends.
Funny that at one time in the life of Oversharing, I panicked about sending this out to you on a Friday, and now it seems it has become a Friday newsletter.
Fridays have actually become a meaningful day in my life, not for TGIF-related reasons—as someone without a “real job,” there is really no such thing as the end of the work week for me. The reason that Friday is a thing for me at the moment is because Friday is the day that my pregnancy tracker apps update to a new week count. There is a new vegetable (or sometimes a fruit) waiting to be revealed to me to let me know how big baby is today. As of today, I am 27 weeks pregnant, which means I am entering my third trimester. Insane. According to the Flo app, baby is as big as a head of cauliflower now! How did we get here?
This specific milestone in my pregnancy, on this specific Friday, feels especially meaningful, as it is also the end of summer. Sure, in LA, we can expect hot as fuck temperatures all the way until October, but, technically, summer is over. Taylor Swift said it best when she said, “August slipped away into a moment in time” (the bottle of wine line is also very relatable, but tbh, not currently to a preggo lady). August really is that bitch. The one month out of the year that just fades away before you even have a chance to accept it ever happened. It’s like a sneaky little street cat that slinks up against your leg, and as you reach down to give her a little pat, she runs away from you, leaving you with nothing but a greasy little spot on your shin. Or, in the case of August in Southern California, a sweaty spot on your shin.
I am not sure I have ever really acknowledged the speed at which August flies by until this year. February is indeed the shortest month of the year, and yet, I can’t recall ever thinking, “Damn, this February is flying by!” I suppose it is maybe because it’s early in the year, so you are still trying to reconcile with the fact that the year prior somehow already came to an end. Or, it’s because my life exists at the moment from Friday to Friday and I am living my life by a number of weeks. I have never paid more attention to time than since I got pregnant. It’ll do that to you. A series of weeks in which you feel like you’ve been pregnant for a lifetime and also cannot believe there are only a handful of weeks left. Each week, a whole step closer to a brand new life. A life I cannot even wrap my mind around yet. A life I am looking forward to but also incredibly fearful of.
Last week, I shared some tips on how to let go of pregnancy anxiety with a reader, and this week, I need to take my own advice. One of the things I enjoy about this space is that I can always come back and read the things I’ve said and sort of slap myself across the face and be like, Bitch, you know what to do. I almost feel like the thing I fear more than the birth, or the impending baby on board bumper sticker lifestyle I am headed towards, is the fact that time is just flying by before my very eyes, and sometimes I feel like I have nothing to show for it. I mean this year, literally, I have something to show for it, a growing belly, but even still, sometimes I wonder if I am just allowing the Augusts of my life to slip away like a bottle of (non-alcoholic) wine.
The other day in my yoga class I announced that I wanted to try and be more present for the remainder of my pregnancy. I want to pay closer attention. Enjoy it as best as I can, because, hey, I have no idea if I’ll ever do this again. And what a magical, transformative, batshit crazy time it has been thus far. I mean, really, this was my last summer as a childless woman, and I don’t think I really grasped that until now, as it’s ending. I wish I would have basked in it a little more. Worried a little less. Applied sunscreen slower and calmer, found more pools to float in, spent more time outside in general—I can’t ever go back and do this again. Next summer I will be trying to keep a baby cool. Clipping fans to her stroller and carseat, and walking into every room with an accessory of underboob sweat. That is insane. Truly, truly insane. One day you are the 2010 Bratty-B queen of summer (the OG brat summer in my humble opinion), and the next, you are becoming a mom. Life. Comes. At. You. Fast.
I watched one of my favorite movies of all time this week, Now and Then, an iconic movie from 1995 about four childhood best friends and their memorable summer of 1970. If you have never seen this film, you must stop everything and go watch it. It’s literally on sale on Amazon right now, ok? Buy it. Thank me later. It is one of the most, if not the most, formative movies of my youth, and I really don’t know who I’d be without it. It came out when I was eight years old, and I watched it religiously with my best friends at every sleepover until we were at least thirteen. It was my sexual awakening (there are naked boy butts in it), first lessons on sisterhood, introduction to witchcraft, and tween handbook all in one. As I watched this movie for the first time in years, eating my takeout Thai food and using my growing belly as a plate, it dawned on me that my youth is a thing of the past. Sure, 37 is "young," but like, never again will I experience that sweet as honey innocence of being a preteen girl riding bikes with her friends and running through the sprinklers. I really can’t believe in a few short months I am going to become a mother to a girl who is going to have her own summer memories with her besties. To be honest, I’m a bit worried about how HOT those summers are going to be given global warming isn’t slowing down anytime soon (please vote for the person who believes global warming is real!!!), so... her memories might be a little more indoors than mine were.
The point I’m trying to make here is, summer, August, life in general—it flies the fuck by when you hit a certain age. I remember as a kid, it felt like I would never grow up. And all I wanted to be was an adult. WHY? What the hell was I thinking? Hurry up and grow up so I could sit around, conscious of my own thoughts and feeling like I’m not doing enough with my life. As a kid, doing “nothing” doesn’t even cross your mind. Sure, boredom exists, I should know; I was an only child and had to keep myself entertained pretty often—but, like, doing literally anything out of the ordinary is fun as a kid. Those moments stretch like cherry laffy taffy, and life is just... life. It’s not a series of weeks yet, or seasons, or iPhone “on this day last year” memories that catch you off guard. You never want summer to end because you never want to go back to school, but at the same time, you can’t wait to go back to school so you can see your friends again and get a new pencil box and trapper keeper, and once high school hits, decorate your locker with Blink-182 stickers. There is an anticipation of time when you’re young, but not the anxiety-ridden kind of anticipation. The kind of anticipation that is like trying to fall asleep at night when you know you’re going to Disneyland the following morning. Everything is exciting, and nothing is daunting. There is no app telling you how many weeks pregnant you are, no consciousness that suggests you didn’t do enough this August—life is just lemonade stands, mosquito bites, and skinned knees.
As I wrap up my last August as a childless woman and this deeply meandering post, I thought I would share with you some of my favorites from this summer. Not all of these things are from this summer; some are relics of times passed, some are energetic memories, but they are things that brought me joy or comfort this summer. And things I’m sure will make me nostalgic in the future when I think about that last summer before I became a mom.
Bethany’s Summer 2024 favorites:
“Good Luck, Babe!” - Chappell Roan
Seeing Alanis Morissette live at The Forum in LA
Arnold Palmers
GoodPop Cherry N’ Lemonade popsicles
The sound of crickets in my backyard
Seeing Inside Out 2 with my baby girl inside my belly
Writing music with no plan
Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott
My big blue yoga ball
Ice Roller on my pregnant face (great for non pregnant faces too!)
Walking a labyrinth in Kauai with my fiancé
Sharing my thoughts and ramblings and wisdom with you all here xoxo
I hope you enjoy your last official weekend of summer wherever you are. I hope you are able to slow down and really enjoy it. No thoughts, just vibes style. It’s the last summer you’ll ever experience as your *current* self, so soak up that sun, babe.
Talk to you next week xo.
forgot to mention "full moon walks" on my list of summer favs :)